We all know that members of the QAnon cult who were involved in the Jan. 6, Caucasi-D-Day riot at the U.S. Capitol are all dumber than a bag of rusty nails and dull hammers, but it is still amusing to witness the sheer extent of their idiocy as the aftermath of the attempted coup continues to unfold.
In fact, one rioter, who was moronic enough to boastfully call himself the “poster boy” of the riot, was also dumb enough to get himself sent back to lockup after he was released under the condition that he stay off the internet and away from QAnon conspiracy sites.
According to the Washington Post, 42-year-old Des Moines man Douglas Jensen was rearrested Thursday after a court supervision officer caught him alone in his garage streaming some right-wing nonsense on his phone like some teenager trying to watch a little porn where his parents won’t find him. (I mean, right-wing media is pretty much OnlyFans for Republicans and QAnon idiots, so this analogy tracks.)
Jensen—who was filmed during the World War White People rebellion chasing after hero U.S. Capitol Police Officer Eugene Goodman up two flights of stairs inside the Capitol building while looking for the Senate chamber because he thought members of Congress were going to be arrested for thwarting his Orange Jussolini cult leader from overturning the 2020 election results—even admitted previously that he had been duped by Donald Trump’s “stop the steal” propaganda and has since come to realize the folly in his ways. Apparently, that was either a lie or just not enough for him to stay off the whitey-web and away from his favorite episodes of Real Housewives Of QAnonsville. (That’s not a real show, but if it was, Jensen is definitely the guy who created the RHOQ Facebook fan page.)
So, U.S. District Judge Timothy J. Kelly ruled Jensen—who has pleaded not guilty to a seven-count indictment that includes felony charges of rioting, assaulting police and obstruction of a congressional proceeding—will remain in lockup until his next court hearing in Des Moines, which he set for Sept. 24.
Jensen’s attorney, Christopher M. Davis, did a pretty piss-poor job of explaining why his client would put himself in a situation to be rearrested—which is to say, he had no explanation outside of some form of “addiction.”
Davis said in court Thursday that it almost seems “Orwellian” that a man in his garage could be sent back to jail for being on the internet, proving a thing I’ve always suspected—a lot of people have no idea what “Orwellian” actually means. (Jensen wasn’t taken away by some totalitarian government, he was arrested for violating the conditions of his release because he couldn’t stay off of Trump-lover PornHub.)
“We know why we’re here…Mr. Jensen knows he shouldn’t have done this,” Davis said, according to the Post. “I do liken this to an addiction. Why else would anyone incarcerated in D.C. jail for six months and just released do this? I don’t have a good answer for this. I don’t think he does either.”
He also said his client is “in therapy, but what that is going to do, I don’t know. I almost liken it to a compulsion. It just doesn’t add up. This is an intelligent man. I know this—he is not a bumbling idiot, in any sense of the word. He understands.”
SIR… your client is a lot of things, but an “intelligent man” is not one of them.